if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
