he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
