for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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