Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
