Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
