No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
