You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This house was built for laser tag.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
