All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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