his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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