i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
