I want to walk on stilts...naked
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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