He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
