i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
