apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Actions speak louder than pants.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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