Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
