i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
