Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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