Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
