I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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