The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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