2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
too bad you live with your parents still
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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