You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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