ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
