I feel like I'm in dance class right now
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
