I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What a dumb baby whore.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
