I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
