Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
