Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
