I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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