just survived the first fart of the relationship.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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