it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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