There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
