I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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