i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
