fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
