my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
