that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
