You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
