remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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