a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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