I want to walk on stilts...naked
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
