Will you blow on my dice?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
