when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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