it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
