I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
