What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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