Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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