My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
