why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
