Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
