OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
