My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
