Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
