dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
