"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
