Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
