Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
