hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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